International Dating Discussion forum

Every year thousands of men from Western countries like the United States, Australia, England and Germany decide to look outside their home country for love. Twenty years ago you didn’t hear much about this. Now you hear about it all the time. Men used look to Asia, mostly the Philippines, for a wife from a foreign country. With the decline of Communism, men are also interested in East European women from places like Poland, Russia and the Ukraine. Other men have an interest in women from other parts of the Americas, like Costa Rica, Mexico and Brazil.

For many men, interest in Asian women began while serving in the military. During the Vietnam War, soldiers unfortunate enough to be sent to the war also got some R&R. GI’s found the women they encountered in Thailand, Okinawa and Hong Kong enchanting. Perhaps it is not all that surprising, since many of them had barely seen a woman for six months. Bangkok was especially favored, and not because of the delicious, hot and spicy cuisine. GI’s told their buddies how great they were treated by Thai women, how they would bathe them, give them massages, and make love to them.

Sailors also told stories about their travels in Asia. They became most familiar with PI, more often known as the Philippines. They explained they liked the Philippines so much because they could choose from hundreds of lovely young women for companionship.

International women are not easy to meet in the U.S. Even in the three metropolitan areas most heavily populated by Asian and Hispanic women, San Francisco, New York and Los Angeles, you don’t stand much chance of meeting them. I’m not talking about women of Asian or Hispanic ancestry who’ve grown up in America and have adopted our culture. I’m talking about the woman who retains her culture, traditions and her native language. There is a big difference. These women probably won’t be hanging out in American bars.

Asian women have striking physical characteristics. Some men find Asian women so attractive they claim they’ve never seen an ugly one. They have a softness and gentleness that draws a man to them.

It is rare to see an Asian woman let her appearance deteriorate. Some of this has to do with diet and cultural influences. You don’t hear that Asian women stay home alone and devour an entire cheesecake while watching television. They eat rice, a simple but healthy food, and spend time their free time with their families.

Their racial qualities — especially the eyes and the skin — are more delicate than Westerners. Some Asian women are virtually hairless below the neck, lacking even pubic hair. The women rarely need to shave their legs. Asian women are more slender, with smaller breasts and lighter bone structure. Their skin color varies, from the golden brown color of ladies in tropical countries like Thailand and the Philippines to the pale and creamy complexions of Korean and Japanese women.

To most Americans, the most noticeable characteristic about Asian women is their eyes. Not all men find their slanted eyes attractive. My Filipina friends in Hong Kong called them "chinky." Many fashionable Asian women use make-up to make their eyes look more Caucasian. The women in Northern and Eastern Asia (China, Japan, Korea) have more slanted eyes than women in Southeast Asia (Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines).

In general, the paler the skin the more slanted the eyes. Many Thais and Filipinas lack this feature almost entirely. Their skin can be so dark as to be mulatto in appearance. Away from the tropical sun, their skin color lightens. Thais and Filipinas often admire the light skin of Caucasians. They avoid the sun so they won’t turn "black," as they refer to their own golden brown skin. In my opinion, that is one of the negative influences of American media. These women don’t appreciate their own natural beauty. They want to look like Australians or Americans!

Young Asian women are usually more mentally mature than their Western counterparts. Life can be so difficult for women in third-world countries that maturity often comes too early. Children have to work to help provide for the family at a very young age. They have no time to act like kids.

Asian women retain their youthful appearance longer than Western women. In the bars of Bangkok, Manila and Hong Kong older women can pass themselves off as teenagers when they think that’s what the customer wants.

Asian women are as attracted to Western men as we are to them. It is partly because our physical appearances are so different, but also because they think we make good husbands. They’re probably right, at least in comparison to the men in their country. According to many Asian women, men in Korea, the Philippines and Thailand are macho, unfaithful and beat their wives.

There is a mutual fascination between Western men and Asian women. Maybe the ideal couple is as different from each other as possible and, yet, still able to get along. They are less likely to become bored with each other, and learn to respect each other’s unique contribution to their marriage and to the world.

Filipinas, in particular, are fond of American men. They watch American television and get the impression that we’re all handsome, tall and great lovers. One Filipina wrote, "If all you Americans are so dynamic, irresistible and attractive, why is it you seek here for a wife?" Men who have never even seen a Filipina have still heard stories about Filipina wives. How pretty and playful they are. How they really know how to treat a man. How they cook fantastic meals and how they make a man happy.

A Filipina columnist for a New York City magazine wrote that Jewish men were actively seeking and finding Filipina wives. She wondered why Filipinas make such good wives when Filipino men make good lovers but such lousy husbands. Maybe she hit on the reason why so many Filipinas seek elsewhere for lovers and husbands.

As mentioned earlier, an American man stands a significantly better chance of having a successful marriage if he marries an Asian wife than if he marries an American woman. If a man aspires to marriage for life, doesn’t it make some sense to try this route?

Divorce is not only rare in Asian countries, it is often illegal. In Thailand, for example, it used to be illegal for a woman to divorce her husband but legal for a man to divorce his wife. He is the legal head of the family. In the Philippines, divorce is also illegal due to the strong influence of Catholicism. Divorce is not socially acceptable in any country in Asia. This doesn’t mean Asian women will stick with a jerk, a drunk or a wimp who beats her. While they’re tolerant of minor eccentricities, they won’t tolerate a man who isn’t good for the family.

The same people who think mail order brides come to America just to get a green card think the men who marry these women want submissive wives. While these may be factors that influence a marriage decision, in most instances they are not the key. The main reason people seek love outside their own country is because they haven’t found someone in their country. They may also simply like the idea of marrying someone from another culture.

Another reason for the success of intercountry marriages is that the women are not as materialistic as Westerners. Many divorces in America are caused by economic disagreements. Foreign women interested in marrying a Western man are enticed by the security of living in the West. Asia, East Europe and Latin America are poor by Western standards, but prosperous compared to nations such as Chad, Haiti or Bangladesh. The appeal of living in a prosperous part of the world provides incentive, but most of these women are concerned with the family stability that comes with a good income. The most important thing in their lives is the family.

These women have simple tastes. The physical attractiveness of the husband is not a big deal. It’s just not that important. That’s one of their beauties. They don’t change their minds as time goes on. Five years after you’re married, she’s still the same woman with the same tender dedication to her family and her husband. She will, of course, expect the same from you.

Asian women understand men. They know how to make men think they’re in charge while they run the show quietly from behind the scenes. Perhaps they tolerate a man’s bluster because they know it’s a smoke screen to veil an inherent weakness. Some men have such weak egos they need to think they’re in charge even when they’re not. Knowing how to deal with this kind of man is an Asian woman’s specialty. She’s just not flagrant about it. If you’re bent on finding a submissive wife, good luck. Your woman won’t make you happy.

Divorce and bachelorhood are at a high. It has become socially acceptable, even fashionable, to be single and childless. Combined with the Western obsession with youth and beauty, it is more and more difficult to attract mates as age advances. It’s ironic, given the current popularity of exercise and health, that being single reduces five years from a man’s life and three from a woman’s. Clearly, marriage is one of the keys to longevity, if not happiness. Incidentally, surveys of single adults show that most would rather be married.

Involvement with a woman from a foreign country will probably include contact with one of four religions: Buddhism, Orthodox Protestant, Catholicism or Islam. Korea and Thailand are mostly Buddhist, while the Philippines is over ninety per cent Catholic.

The chances are good a Malaysian will be Muslim. Don’t necessarily let this hinder your ardor. The American press doesn’t portray Muslims fairly because of their preoccupation with sensationalizing terrorism. Malaysia is not an Arab country. The Muslims there are peaceful and tolerant of other religions.

Don’t let religion be a barrier to coming together with a good woman. Few women follow their religion with a fervor that prevents them from marrying a man of another religious belief. A husband’s belief in God satisfies most, and some marry atheists.

Make sure you know what to expect so there will be no disappointments or false expectations. As a Buddhist, Muslim or Christian, your intended might not want to live with or make love to you until you are officially married. You can clear that up by simply writing and asking her.

International women can tolerate a lot of quirks in a man. Their priorities are first to the family, second to the husband, and, finally, to their careers. She is looking for three things in a man: that he be kind, gentle and provide for the family. If you are also looking for these qualities in a woman you will do well. She will, however, expect the same from you. If you are belligerent, drunk or cruel she will leave you, despite her commitment to the marriage. Asian women, in particular, know how to get what they want.