International Dating Discussion forum

Correspondence is a great method for getting to know international women. It is also one of the oldest. Thousands of happy relationships between Western men and Eastern women begin that way every year. Writing can be a better way to get to know someone than face-to-face meetings. People are less inhibited about giving intimate information about themselves on paper than in person. Couples fall in love by correspondence; it happens all the time. Many become engaged without ever having had a personal meeting.

Love letters are famous throughout history and literature. Only recently has electronic communication taken over. Now you pick up the phone and talk to the other side of the world. Westerners forget what love letters are all about. Love letters are alive and well in places like the Philippines.

Filipinos often use love letters to express fondness or even to initiate a relationship. Letters from "secret admirers" are common in the Philippines. A man may leave a letter on a woman’s desk, or have it delivered to her through a "go between." It’s always flattering for a Filipina to receive a note from a prospective suitor, even if she decides to spurn his advances. Most Filipinos can’t afford expensive long-distance telephone calls, but with their extended families there is plenty of communicating to do. Their letters commonly use a combination of their native language, usually Tagalog, and English — or "Tag-Lish" as Filipinos call it.

Imagine how you’ll feel the first time you find your mail box packed with letters and photos. A single classified ad in an Asian newspaper can bring in over a hundred responses. Expect some beautifully written letters. If you are like many men, the first thing you will look for is a pretty face. You will be tempted to respond to more of the letters than is practical. Deciding which to respond to will be a pleasant, if difficult, decision. Some letters will include phone numbers and may inspire you to pick up the phone right away.

Perhaps ten percent of the letters won’t enclose photos. You may not want to consider these at all. If you are drawn to a letter without a photo, you may want to write, expressing your interest, and ask for her photo.

When you receive that first batch, you’ll have some tough decisions to make. Limit yourself to a workable number of letters. I’d suggest ten at the most. Your criteria to narrow the number of letters is your decision. Looks, age, occupation, education, religion, interests — you may have established what you’re looking for in a lover by this time.

Of course, you may have no criteria at all, just an open mind, as you scan your letters looking for the few that speak to your heart from distant shores. You’ll know her when you see her letter.

Look for how well each letter is written. Did she express herself? Is she in the age range you are looking for? Some will be too old or too young, but you may be willing to make exceptions if you see a special letter. Another important consideration might be her profession. Maybe you want a woman whose occupation and career complements your own ambitions. You are likely to receive many letters from professionals such as accountants, nurses, midwives, teachers and secretaries. Women who can read and write English probably have an advanced education. Many letters will be from students, but most of these will be interested in correspondence rather than romance.

There will be so many attractive ladies who write interesting letters you can afford the luxury of being selective. Like many men, you will want to write back to every woman. Doing so might be impractical if you have received a hundred letters. Accounting might be an interesting occupation to you, for example, because you tend to be careless about your own finances. If you feel that ideal partners should complement each other, then letters from accountants will be of special interest.

One characteristic you will detect in the vast majority of the letters will be sincerity. When you correspond with an Asian woman, she will respond to your questions in a direct, honest manner. She won’t just try to please you, but should answer your questions sincerely.

There are some things to be alert for when you begin a relationship through correspondence. The odds are that the woman you begin correspondence with will be totally honest and sincere. Even so, there is a chance you will be unlucky enough to hear from a disreputable woman. For this reason, any sign of insincerity or dishonesty is cause for immediate termination of correspondence. Just quit writing to her. Have no tolerance for even a hint of dishonesty, especially in the early stages of your relationship.

Some dishonest ladies respond to "mail order bride" ads. They are easy to spot because they are all looking for one thing: money. Don’t respond to anyone who asks for money, no matter how good-looking and sweet-sounding she is or how sick she says her mother is. By far, most of your responses will be from sincere, honest ladies with good intentions. Of the millions who read your ad, you may get some responses from women who are on the take. Avoid these ladies from the outset. They’re easy to identify. They’re always looking for a sucker.

Consider the following basic guidelines:

Before couples were required to meet in person before a visa to the U.S. was issued, an American met his fiancée at an airport only to discover she was not the lady in the photographs he received. The photographs she sent were of a beautiful model. His actual fiancée turned out be unattractive.

A woman’s personality comes across surprisingly well on paper. You’ll see that most ladies who write are shy, polite and curious. Expect a lot of questions. Her favorite topics will be her family and her home town. She may ask a lot of questions about you and your life, but they will not be exceptionally prying or personal. You may be surprised at how much her questions reveal about her. Between the lines, you may sense that within the shy writer there is a flood of passion waiting to released.

Eastern women are more conservative than Western women. Keep this in mind when corresponding with them. Don’t try too hard to please, be too clever, too sexy, or exaggerate about yourself. It’s not necessary, and she won’t be impressed. Sincerity, honesty and genuine expressions of your hopes and goals are far more likely to win her over than boasts about your money, love-making ability, good looks or wit. It’s not hard for them to read between your lines. They’ll notice a fake right away.

Not everyone feels comfortable communicating through writing. You don’t have to be an Ernest Hemingway to win over the heart of a woman. Nor do you have to write in eloquent, flowery prose. Just be simple and straight-forward. That’s what she’ll appreciate. Her English may be even worse than yours, but it may also be better.

One lady I corresponded with was a journalist in the Philippines. She responded to my first letter by demanding answers to all the questions she’d asked in her first letter. I wondered what she referred to, and pulled out her letter to refresh my memory. There were no questions in it and I decided to discontinue writing to her. I considered making a copy of her letter, then send it back to her to ask her what she meant. I got the feeling she’d be a hard woman to please. There were plenty of other woman I was interested in.

Exercise caution when entering into a correspondence relationship with a potential lover, but don’t let her know you’re suspicious. The early letters of a relationship will be spent asking and answering questions about each other. Asking the right questions can make your correspondence informative and enjoyable for both of you. It’s also a key to finding out things you’ll need to know before making decisions about romance.

Eventually, you will concentrate all your letter-writing efforts on one woman. She will have all the qualities you are looking for. Some men fall in love with women they have never met. They have only letters and photographs to share their passion.

Try to ask open-ended questions that require an explanation to answer. A close-ended question only needs a "yes" or "no" or a specific piece of information, like age, place or name. You may consider asking the woman you are writing to some of the following open-ended questions:

1. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
2. How do you spend your evenings?
3. How do you express your love for your family?
4. Describe the kind of family that could make you happy.
5. Why are you interested in marrying a foreigner?
6. Why would you leave your family to marry a foreigner?
7. What sort of husband are you looking for?
8. How do you see the roles of husband and wife in the family?
9. What do you think about divorce?

You will also think of many more questions to ask. Good questions asked at both ends can make it much easier for both of you to write interesting, enjoyable and descriptive letters. That’s why open-ended questions are so helpful. When you ask what she thinks about something, she will respond with a detailed, thoughtful explanation. You’ll learn something about her as a result.

While correspondence can tell you a lot, it is difficult to appreciate the nuances of someone’s personality on paper. One tool to help overcome that drawback is the telephone. Its disadvantage is the cost. International calls usually range between 50 cents and US$1.00 per minute. Check with your long-distance telephone company for the actual rates to the country you’re calling. Rates are usually lowest late at night and early in the morning — usually between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

Few of the women you’ll want to call will have their own telephone. They will have to use a friend’s or one at a local business. Since collect calls are much more expensive for you than regular calls, you will need to make advance arrangements about what time each month or week you’ll be calling.

Calling is worth it, especially if you are having a tough time choosing from all the letters you’re getting. There are some things you just don’t pick up in a letter — charming mannerisms of speech, the way she giggles, the enthusiasm and pleasure she takes in hearing your voice.

After you’ve developed a special interest in someone, you’ll want to talk to her as often as possible (or affordable).

While it’s highly unlikely your correspondents will own a computer or a fax, it’s quite possible those who live in or near a major city have access to one. Also, many small towns have secretarial and copy services with internet and fax machine capabilities. Send enough money to pay for these services and you won’t have to wait one or two weeks to exchange letters.

A cheaper way of getting a sense of personality, without incurring a heart-breaking phone bill, is the exchange of cassette tapes by mail. Cassette tape players are in common use worldwide, even in third-world countries. They are an affordable communication medium. The woman you write will either have her own tape recorder or be able to borrow one from a friend. Cassettes are great for people who hate to write or can’t afford expensive telephone bills.