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Thais have a saying, mai pen rai, heard often
in Thailand. More than any three words possibly can, it expresses the
Thai attitude toward life. It means, essentially, that whatever happens
is going to happen. Just take it in stride. Enjoy it for what it is. Don’t
think about yesterday or tomorrow. Thais are Buddhist and their
amiability demonstrates how strongly Buddhism effects everyday behavior.
Even the lowest, sleaziest, dirt-floored bar will have an offering to
the Buddha — a glass of Coca-Cola or perhaps some peanuts.
During your stint in Bangkok you may never feel that
you are with a prostitute. You will quickly learn to avoid the few
exceptions. Some people say it’s just an act on their part, and that
may be true. If it is, they ought to get an award. There is no way to
tell for sure. These ladies will inspire you to treat them with nothing
but respect and admiration. Each will become a new friend.
The Bars of Bangkok
In Bangkok bars are concentrated in three areas. The
biggest, most flamboyant and expensive district is Patpong, a privately
owned street crowded with noisy go-go bars. Every bar you walk past, a
doorman swings open the door so you can check out the scene inside. For
action, dancing girls and loud music, this is the place. Even if you
like a quieter atmosphere, with as many girls, that’s there too. For
the most part, though, Patpong does not have a "laid back"
atmosphere.
The Upstairs Bars
There are three short streets in the Patpong area: I,
II and III. Patpong I is the biggest and noisiest. Patpong II has
quieter bars. Avoid Patpong III entirely. It specializes in
transvestites and some are so good at it they can fool an expert. Never
pick up a girl on the street in Bangkok or Manila. You can’t be
sure what you’re getting. You don’t want any surprises when you get
her back to the hotel. The upstairs bars, particularly on Patpong I, can
be raunch personified. Check it out if you’re interested.
Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza
Patpong is probably the strip most frequented by male
tourists in Bangkok. Two smaller, more concentrated areas off Sukhumvit
Road, Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza, offer similar entertainment for a
better price with a more casual atmosphere. The girls are almost as
pretty and, I think, a little less on the hustle. You can hang out in
Soi Cowboy or Nana Plaza bars to enjoy the companionship of a lady
without getting pestered to pay her bar fine or buy ladies drinks for
three or four girls. This is a good way to relax and get to know some
ladies without spending too much money.
The girls of Soi Cowboy seem to have more fun than
their sisters on Patpong. Patpong has a touristy commercialism about it.
There is a lot less hassle on Soi Cowboy. The last time I was in Bangkok
Nana Plaza had nude shows, but none at Soi Cowboy. Recent reports have
it that this has changed and you now can see those kind of shows on Soi
Cowboy. Soi Cowboy is a favorite with local expatriates.
Another evening alternative is Klong Tooey, a tiny
strip of bars by the wharf. It lies between the docks where sailors
arrive and a sprawling ghetto. There are two or three bars and some
restaurants that appeal to sailors from all over the world. Klong Tooey
is sleazier, but not much cheaper, than Soi Cowboy. Your taxi driver may
not even know how to get there or believe that a tourist could possibly
want to visit it.
I could name countless bars in Bangkok but they
change so often it’s useless to make recommendations, except for one:
a bar on Soi Cowboy where I’ve always had a good time with stunning
girls, Our Place.
Thermae Coffee Shop
If go-go bars aren’t your stile you can try your
luck in the Thermae coffee shop on Sukhumvit Road. This place is
legendary and frequented by very loose women. After 2:00 a.m., when the
bars on Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza have closed, there is an influx of
women who just got off work. You will have to battle your way through
the door to be greeted by some aggressive women. Smile and head up to
the bar.
Get yourself a drink and look around. You may need to
use of the most important Thai phrase you know, my ow kop (no
thanks), because you may be appoached by persistent women who won’t
take no for an answer. In this case, a friendly my ow kop nearly
always works. The kind of lady you are looking for may not approach you.
You have to approach her yourself. Wandering around look for a pretty
face. She may have just arrived in Bangkok. Many are from the
impoverished northeast, near the Laotian border. Other may be from Laos.
Many Laotians cross the border into Thailand, where there are more
economic opportunities.
Make eye contact, followed with a smile. A smile is
the single most useful item you will carry with you on your
international journeys, with the possible exception of condoms.
Available women may not hold your gaze for long, but will smile and turn
their heads shyly away. They’re the type you’re looking for.
Approach one and offer to buy her a drink. If she doesn’t understand,
point to your drink and then her. Say "Coke?," an
internationally understood word. She probably doesn’t drink alcohol
anyway. When the drink arrives sit down with her. She may be with
companions, but don’t let this bother you. If all the seats are taken,
someone will probably vacate her seat for you once she sees your
interest in her friend.
Ask if she speaks English. If so, you’re a lucky
man. Usually only the old pros develop that skill to any degree. If she
doesn’t speak any English, and that your prerequisite, thank her and
try the next one who catches your eye. If English-speaking skills aren’t
important, pull out your Thai-English dictionary, a surprisingly
effective tool. After exchanging names, look up the word
"restaurant." Point to it in the dictionary, then to her and
to yourself. Enjoy your dinner and each other.
Soap Suds and Seduction
A typical Bangkok parlor will have over thirty young
ladies seated behind one-way glass watching TV. Drinks are served while
you make your decision. If you want, you can call a girl to your table
and chat with her before you decide.
The massage room will be equipped with a small couch,
table, coat rack and bed. A stereo plays your choice of music in four
languages. The phone is for ordering drinks or food. There is a bath tub
with a spray attachment. Most conspicuously, the tiled floor has a drain
and an air mattress lying on it.
Your masseuse will solve the riddle of the ancient
Siamese air mattress without saying a word. After bathing you thoroughly
in the tub, your masseuse will have you lie down on the air mattress.
She will use the sprayer to keep you wet. After she removes her dress
and lathers her body, she will massage you with all the resources at her
disposal. You can imagine why squirming around naked on an air mattress
with your masseuse is a popular form of entertainment in Bangkok.
The Thais have an unusual name for this type of
massage, "B-course." It is a massage during which the masseuse
uses more than just her hands. It’s a mystery where the term came
from. Bangkok is famous for its massage parlors. The one described above
is an upscale establishments. There are less lavish ones for other
tastes and budgets. Some cater to locals and have little more than a
spigot and a mattress in the rooms. On Sukhumvit, near Soi Cowboy and
Nana Plaza, Darling and James Bond are popular. The Mona
Lisa is also a famous massagge parlor. A tax driver will be happy to
take you to one. He may even have color brochures promoting them, since
he gets a commission for taking you there.
Pattaya and Phuket
These resort areas are great alternatives to Bangkok’s
awful traffic and pollution. Beach lovers may find Pattaya a
disappointment, but they will love the nightlife. Pattaya is a four hour
ride from Bangkok. My favorite bar in Pattaya is the Tahitian Queen.
Phuket has great beaches and nightlife, but you need to fly or take a
long bus ride to get their. The food in Phuket is fantastic.
Chiang Mai and Tribal Villages
In Bangkok, you can’t survive without air
conditioning because of the humidity. The dry heat is more tolerable
further north in Chiang Mai. Air conditioning is extremely expensive in
both Thailand and the Philippines. You can save a lot of money if you
stay in Chiang Mai.
The girls of Chiang Mai are reputed to be the most
beautiful in the world. The facial features of northern girls differs
from southern girls. They have a blend of doll-like oriental features
with a primitive, tribal quality. Their skin is slightly browner than
southern girls and their facial features slightly thicker. This may not
sound like an improvement over the delicate beauty of other Thai ladies,
but the difference is really subtle but significant. It gives the ladies
of Northern Thailand a unique beauty.
Chiang Mai is surrounded by hills. The
tribes living in these hills have interbred with Thais over the
centuries and the result is the stunning beautiful girls of the area.
Since each tribe developed independently, with their own language and
culture, you may encounter girls who not only don’t speak English but
don’t speak Thai either. This offers quite a challenge. Befriending a
Thai who doesn’t speak English is one thing because their are many
people and dictionaries to help translate between Thai and English. A
girl who speaks an exotic hill tribe dialect poses a rough road to
making a proposition.
Philippines
Manila
During the glory days of Manila nightlife the action
centered around Ermita. Several years ago, Mayor Lim closed down all the
bars in Ermita. He did an efficient job. What used to be bar after bar
filled with pretty, available women is now boarded up buildings. Some of
the hotels and restaurants survived. There are still some tiny bars
masquerading as restaurants where you can buy a girl or two a drink. You
may even be able to pay her bar fine. dancing beauties in bikinis are
gone. Thanks to the Mayor, except for cheap hotels and countless money
changers, Ermita doesn’t have much to offer.
While Mayor Lim was bad news for Ermita businesses,
it couldn’t have come at a better time for Angeles City. Decimated by
over ten feet of ash from the eruption of Mount Pinatubo in 1991. The
place looked like it had been bombed. Its primary source of income, the
U.S. military at Clark Field, closed down. Angeles City had to rely on
tourists to take up some of the slack, so Mayor Lim facilitated the
recovery of Angeles City.
If you can’t get to Angeles City, the dancing
beauties in bikinis business still exists in Manila. Old Ermita hotspots
like Superstars and Lovebirds are long gone. The lone
survivor from the old Ermita days is the venerable Firehouse. It
moved to Pasay at the International Food Center in a complex with five
similar clubs. The Cotton Club has the same ownership as the old
Australian bar in Ermita.
Makati
The strip of bars in Makati along Burgos Street is
great if have plenty of money to spend. Bottoms, Papillon
and Dimples open at noon for early risers. They employ two shifts
of dancers. The second starts at 8:00 p.m. and work until 4:00 a.m.
Similar bars in the area open at 6:00 p.m. There problem with Makati is
the prices. Lady’s drinks are US$8 and the bar fine is nine lady’s
drinks (US$72!). The girls will often ask for a US$100 gratuity on top
of that. Compare that to Angeles prices: US$3 or US$4 for a ladies drink
and the US$35 bar fine includes her gratuity. In many Makati bars they
hassle you to death to buy lady’s drinks. The worst is a place called Hollywood.
There is no pressure in Pasay or Angeles City. If you must stay in
Manila, go to Pasay. Better still, leave Manila the minute your plane
arrives and head for Angeles City.
Pasay
The International Food Center is on Edsa Blvd. in
Pasay. It houses the Firehouse and Cotton Club opens at
6:00p.m. There are six go-go bars. The new Firehouse may not have
the ambience of the old place in Ermita, but it is still fun. The Cotton
Club is the biggest bar in the complex. Regulars of the old Australian
will be surprised to see the same attendant in their comfort room (what
we call rest rooms). He used to hawk everything from condoms to
postcards to antibiotics in the Australian. While he offers less
competition to the local drug stores, he still has a pretty extensive
line of goods for a toilet vendor.
Angeles City
Angeles City is the place to go for the hardcore
bar-hopper seeking female comanionship. An air-con tourist bus from the
Swagman hotel in Ermita three times a day. It’s a two to five hour
drive, depending on Manila traffic. Better still, avoid Manila entirely.
Have your hotel in Angeles City arrange a car to pick you up at the
airport for US$50. If it’s your first trip to a third world country,
it might be worth the extra US$15 to see someone holding up a sign with
your name on it as you leave customs in Manila. If you don’t mind
haggling, you can negotiate a taxi ride at the airport for about
US$30-35.
There are many bars in Angeles City, mostly on Fields
Avenue between Margaritaville and MacArthur Highway. The size and number
of bars may be a far cry from the hundred or so that thrived during its
heyday, when Clark Field was up and running. There are still plenty of
places to see.
Make a hotel reservation before you leave. Some
hotels are booked in advance, especially if the U.S. Navy is in town. Up
to 5,000 horny sailors occasionally have R&R there. To avoid
commuting via side-car motorcycle taxis (called "trikes")
between your hotel and the bar district, try the Orchid Inn, Park
Chicago or Tropicana. Further out the German-owned Clarkview
is a nice place as is the Swagman, which serves Australian food.
There are so many bars filled with friendly girls in
Angeles City it’s hard to recommend just a few. The best bar is the
one you meet the right girl in, and the girls in the bars are always
changing. I always have a good time in Voodoo, Y and the Club.
Tahitian Queen and Champagne have the best-looking girls.
I always spend lots of time in La Bamba. Like Connections,
it opens at 2 p.m., three or four earlier than most bars. Margueritaville
never closes. This bar and restaurant has good, cheap food and drinks
where you can meet local freelancers and shoot pool. They serve decent
Thai food.
One Angeles City phenomenon is Cherry Girls or
virgins. Every bar has a couple and some have many. How does a virgin
work as a prostitute? Some do not. Some work in the bar only and make
money from lady’s drinks. Others will go bar-hopping with you, but won’t
sleep with you. Some sleep with you but keep their clothes on. Still
others will do pretty much anything as long as she remains, technically,
a virgin.
Barrio Barretto and Subic
Barrio Barretto and Subic were near major U.S. Navy
facilities, but, like Clark Field in Angeles City, the U.S. military is
gone now. The major industries in both towns were described as beer and
prostitution. When you sat down at a bar she would whisper sweet,
obscene nothings in the sailors ear. Then the action under the table got
a lot more exciting than the game of cards on top.
Unlike Angeles City, neither area has anything close
to the nightlife it used to have. Even so, Midnight Rambler at
Barrio Barretto is one of the Philippines’ great bars. It remains open
along with a few other places. Likewise, remnants of nightlife survive
in nearby Subic.
Cebu City
Cebu City offers a laid-back, wholesome alternative
to Manila. There are tree-lined streets, nicer taxi drivers, and all the
amenities of a metropolitan city. In contrast to the sprawl of Manila,
where it can take hours to cross town, Cebu is centralized with downtown
and uptown areas. The nightlife that appeals to foreigners is in the
uptown area.
Prices for female companionship are higher than
Angeles, but much lower than Makati in Manila. Lady’s drinks are about
US$4.50 and bar fines are around US$20. Like Manila, the bar fine is not
shared between the lady and the establishment. She will ask around
US$40, but that is of course negotiable.
The nightlife for foreigners in Cebu is smaller in
scope than you’ll find in Manila, Angeles City or Subic. It
compensates with quality. You’re likely to find drop-dead gorgeous
ladies in the following places:
The Silver Dollar on Osmena Blvd. near the
circle is the best place in town. They have two dancers at a time, each
with her own stage. Unlike every other go-go bar in the Philippines or
Thailand, these ladies actually dance rather than move around and
look bored half the time. They know how to do splits and just be
generally sexy and provocotive. The bar doesn’t hire just any
decent-looking girl off the street, either. Most of the girls look
mighty fine.
The bar in the Saint Moritz Hotel on Gordo has
attractive girls, though not as good-looking or energetic as the Silver
Dollar. They have a dance floor. The Viking on Maxilom is a
hustle joint catering to Filipinos with a mamasan pushing girls
and lady’s drinks. There are plenty of girls, though. If you don’t
find someone at the Silver Dollar or the Saint Moritz
check it out. They have a pool table.
Two nightclubs near the Kan Irag hotel are
adjacent in the same building. One is called Bigwig. Both charge
US$3.00 admittance to watch listless dancers and hear distorted music.
They’re still worth checking out if you haven’t found the right
companion at any of the better places.
Brazil
Brazil is actually not part of Latin America. They
were colonized by the Portuguese and that is the language. Brazilian
women are passionate and spectacularly beautiful. One traveller claimed
the women look like "movie stars." There are a wide variety of
physical and racial characteristics: black, white and everything in
between. While they have a reputation for being great lovers, their
reputation as wives is not so great. Many men claim Brazilians are the
best lovers in the world. You may find there isn’t much else to do
with her, since her language is Portugese and most speak little English.
Rio de Janeiro, especially during Carnaval, oozes
with sexuality. The night clubs are filled with young women who would be
centerfold candidates in the U.S. By all accounts, they treat you like a
king and go at the sex act with a gusto unlike any other women. Looks
and age don’t mean that much to them. They aim to please and be
pleased. Of course it won’t come free. Expect to pay between US$30 and
US$100 for all night.
Copacabana, naturally, is one of the best places for
tourists to meet women. The nightlife centers outside the Othon Hotel.
The nearby Help Discoteria is considered the best nightclub for
finding women. Hundreds of beauties show up on weekends.
The outdoor cafes, Meia Pataca and Mabs,
near the beach are good places to meet women any time, day or night.
Cafes are a long-standing Brazilian hot spots for meeting women. Make
eye contact with the beauty of your dreams and gesture for her to join
you. Or wait for a girl to come to your table, introduce herself and ask
if she can join you.
There are numerous boites, or bars, in
Copacabana meet women either employed by the establishment or there as
customers. Barbarela is an enduring hangout with a plethora of
beautiful women. Some boites offer shows ranging from samba to
striptease to live sex. Most shows don’t start until after 10 p.m.
Some hotels charge extra for bringing a girl to your
room. Two moderately priced (US$50-US$75) hotels near the beach in
Copacabana that do not are Rio Rioss and Debret.
Cuba
Cuba is a very poor country, but the people are
polite and helpful. The women are beautiful and outgoing. Violence
against tourists is rare, but there are occasional petty thefts. In
Havana, beautiful young women stroll around, looking for a man like you.
They actively seek out American and European tourists. Like Brazilians,
they can be any color from black to white. Some are prostitutes and ask
for money, but not until afterwards. The asking price is likely to be
shockingly low. The whiter a Cuban’s skin, the more demanding she can
be. Cuban women like to be treated with kindness, respect and generosity
(a bottle of coke now and then). If you give them what they want, they
are the cutest, most trustworthy and funniest ladies imaginable.
One Norwegian in his late forties, admittedly a bit
fat and average looking, didn't sleep alone a single night after landing
at Havana Airport. He and his brother met two sisters, eighteen and
twenty-one, both stunning beauties. The girls invited them to their
table in a cafe. A few hours later they just moved in with them. The
women demanded nothing. They told the Norwegians it was enjoyable and a
status symbol to be seen with foreign men.
The women explained that they did not want to marry
Cubans because it meant a life of hard work and poverty. A Cuban husband
is a real gentleman before marriage, but a tyrant afterward. They
dreamed about a European or American husband, and age was no concern.
Another Norwegian, married to a Cuban woman,
explained that unlike other Latinas, they make the best wives. Cuban
women are, perhaps, the best educated women in Central America.
The best place to meet a woman is in the Cafe
Paris in Vieja Havana. Girls practically attack you at the door.
They ask to sit down with you, begging for a meal. You can find all
kinds of women, from professionals to girls out with their fathers.
Other clubs are the Havana Club Discoteque at the Hotel Commodore
and the Ache at the Hotel Melia Cohiba. The best beach to visit
is at Mar Azul, also called Tropicoco. It is loaded with
bikini-clad beauties hoping to make it with tourists.
It doesn’t take much to find a woman to stay with
you for a night or a week. They often ask for nothing, but are extremely
happy if you give them simple gifts such as modern soap, perfume, or a
manicure set. Cuban women can be aggressive lovers, making love not just
when you like, but sometimes when you think you don’t. She’ll
convince you that you wanted to after all.
If you don’t give them at least US$100 when you
leave for the airport, consider yourself a jerk.
The only drawback to this fantasy destination is that
it’s a communist country. Like Viet Nam, you will have a difficult
time getting a girl in your hotel. Instead, ask a taxi driver or your
girl to help you find a private rental called a "casa
particular."
Tourists usually pay in U.S. dollars, since little
can be bought with local currency. While Americans are banned from
travel to Cuba there are flights from Canada and Mexico to Havana. If
you ask, the Cuban customs officials will not stamp your passport, so
you won’t raise suspicions when you return to the U.S.
Costa Rica
Costa Rica is the most prosperous country in Central
America. San Jose, its capital, is a fun place to visit with plenty of
fun-loving women with a love for nightlife. National Geographic,
of all things, reported that the national pastime in Costa Rica was
"making love." The women have a reputation for treating their
men like babies. Years ago, foreign men who had stayed more than three
months were screened before leaving the country to make sure they hadn’t
gotten anyone pregnant. This law may still be on the books.
The nightlife of San Jose centers in its bustling
downtown area. One of the world’s great and famous bars, the Key
Largo, is a meeting place for expatriates and local women. Try this
place to have your first beer and enjoy the local scenery. Another good
place for meeting women is the Blue Marlin inside the Hotel
Del Rey, also a nice, convenient place to stay. There are numerous
smaller bars catering to particular types of music in the area.
Dominican Republic
Comparable to the other fine places for having
liaisons — Thailand, the Philippines, Costa Rica and Brazil — the
Dominican Republic’s biggest plus, for Americans, is its proximity. It’s
only a three and one-half hour flight from New York. This small,
Spanish-speaking nation is the western half of the island that includes
the Western Hemisphere’s biggest basket case, Haiti. You can have
great time in both the capital, Santa Domingo, and the nearby seaside
resort, Boca Chica, where the Hotel Neopolitana is a good mid-priced
stay. Popular clubs in Santa Domingo for meting women are the Casa
Rosada and Casa de Models.
Viet Nam
A lecherous German drinking buddy from Hong Kong
asked me to visit him in Ho Chi Minh City. He claimed to maintain a
villa and a harem there. He reported that Filipinas were only the second
best lovers in the world. The Vietnamese ladies were assuredly the
finest.
If you go to Ho Chi Minh city remember that you are
in a communist country. You will not be able to take a girl to your
hotel room unless you bribe the security guard. If you pick up a girl
you will have to take her to a short-time hotel. It will probably be a
dive. She might be able to help you find accommodation in a private
home. You don’t have to look far to find a girl in Ho Chi Minh City.
At night, girls on motor skooters approach you outside of any hotel.
Discos, such as Gossip at the Hotel Metropole, Apocalypse
Now and Queen Bee, are good places to meet women. There are
also hostess bars throughout the city where you can sit and chat with
available young beauties.
Cambodia
Cambodia is a chaotic, semi-lawless adventureland
with cheap sex for under US$5. I can’t really recommend it.
There are discos where you can meet local girls, and the brothel
districts, Svay Pak and Tuol Kork.
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