International Dating Discussion forum

Malaysia is the country of "second choice," after the Philippines, among some international introduction services.

An afternoon walk in Kuala Lampur, the capital of Malaysia, quickly shows the ethnic diversity of that country’s population. The people are a blend of Malay, Chinese, Indian, Thai and western features. Those nations also brought their cultural influences to Malaysia. The Chinese are a dominant force in the economic sector. They make up approximately 35% of the population. Indians are the third largest ethnic group in Malaysia.

Of the three largest ethnic groups in Malaysia, the prettiest girls are pure Malay. I risk criticism from admirers of both Chinese and Indian ladies, but I am prejudiced in favor of Malay women because of their racial kinship to Filipinas. "Malay" also means Muslim. The national religion of Malaysia is Islam.

Islam in Malaysia is a much more relaxed, tolerant version. It is no problem to find a beer in Kuala Lampur. Try it in Saudi Arabia and you will begin to understand some of the differences between Malaysia and Arab countries. Even so, tolerance of other beliefs and customs doesn’t make the Malays less devoted to their own faith. It is necessary in a nation of Malaysia’s diverse mix of cultural and religious backgrounds. The attire of Malay women on the streets of Kuala Lampur is much more contemporary than the veiled women of Arab countries.

The contrast between Malay and Filipina is interesting. On one hand they are different in terms of their culture and religions. They both have similar racial heritage and physical characteristics. The Malay is quiet, gentle and shy, while a Filipina is fierce, passionate and not-to-be-scorned. The odds of being approached by a Malay woman are much lower than by a Filipina. You may have trouble meeting a Malay woman unless you do so before arrival through correspondence or a phone call. If you decide that a Malay woman is for you and want to meet one on your own while in Malaysia, allow yourself plenty of time for the search. A few months may be needed.

If she is a strict Muslim, like most, she will follow a daily regimen of prayer. Muslim women wear a white robe during prayer. It symbolizes the importance cleanliness plays in their spiritual life. Muslims do not eat pork and do not consider dogs as potential pets. They are not affectionate with them because they are considered, like pork, dirty.

Because of sensational media coverage of terrorism, Islam, as a religion has gotten an undeserved bad name. Not all Arabs are Muslims, and not all Muslims are Arabs. Only a tiny percentage of either could be remotely construed to have terrorist tendencies. Muslims are a kind and friendly people, no matter what image has been created for them by the Western media. Don’t let bad press effect your decision to seek a Malay wife.

Korean women are known for their submissive ways. Don’t count on this attitude lasting for long after they leave Korea. They are influenced by a combination of religious heritages. The most powerful are Confucianism, Taoism and Buddhism. Korea’s religious history bears a stronger resemblance to that of China than to any other Asian country.

Confucianism emphasizes the hierarchy of the family and of society. The son is subordinate to the father, the wife to the husband, and the daughter to the mother. If you are the kind of man needing a woman who believes in this family structure, then perhaps you should concentrate your search for love in Korea.

As any Viet Nam combat veteran will tell you, the ROK’s (short for Republic of Korea) were the fiercest, most brutal fighters in the war. Man for man, the South Korean army is one of the toughest in the world. Their macho attitude toward fighting spills over in their attitude toward family. Korean marriage is often an arrangement in which the husband rules and the wife serves. His word is final.

The relationship between the man and the woman, and their love for each other, is not the most important thing in a Korean marriage. It is the family. The family is regarded as belonging to the husband. When a woman marries a man she is entering his family, not starting a new one with him.

Some years ago there was a story on the news about a Korean woman who’d hung herself. Apparently, she forgot to change the clock for daylight savings time, and was an hour late preparing a meal for her husband. She was so distraught over her negligence that she committed suicide. An exaggerated and unusual incident, obviously, but one that tells you something about the relationship between Korean men and women.

Also important in a Korean family is the Confucian belief in the children’s total obedience to their family. It is not so much that the parent’s are the rulers, but that the children look up to them with devotion and obey the parent’s wishes unconditionally. The most important relationship in the Korean family is between father and son. This sort of respect for elders and parents is true in most Asian cultures. It reaches its most extreme version in Korea.

Korean women do not have the reputation for legendary physical beauty like Thais and Filipinas. American military men gave an unusual and not altogether kind nickname: "wall biters." Koreans tends to have broad, flat faces Unfortunately, this physical characteristic is not currently in vogue in western cultures. There are plenty of lovely Korean women. Some of the prettiest ladies you’ll ever see are Korean.

Historically, most marriages in Korea were arranged by the parents. Love was not a major consideration. Today, however, with the western influences in Korean culture, arranged marriages are less frequent. Even when a marriage is arranged, there is a compromise between ancient tradition and modern culture. A period of courting is allowed before vows are taken. The significance of this for you, of course, is that a Korean lady would welcome any semblance of romance, even by correspondence, from a prospective husband.

You can expect a Korean wife to stay home most of the time. Increasingly, though, young Korean women have their own careers. Either way, she will perform her tasks in a dutiful and gentle manner. In Korea, a woman’s social life has, by tradition, been confined absolutely within the family.

All of this is changing. Young Korean women are beginning to get more involved in society. With Korea’s industrial success in the electronics and automotive industries, the value of women in the work place has begun to be appreciated. Change is on the way.

Nutritionists claim breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and yet the one most likely to be neglected by Westerners. If you are a breakfast eater, you may delight to find that traditional Korean women consider it the main meal of the day. Modern Korean families have, however, developed the western taste for eggs and toast.

These are the places to look if you want a Chinese wife. It’s been said that Chinese women make good wives, but not great lovers. I was never much interested in Chinese women while living in Hong Kong. There were too many Filipinas working as domestic helpers. I spent my time with them as a matter of personal taste. I had one or two buddies in Hong Kong who preferred the local Chinese women over the Filipina housekeepers, but not many.

American sailors sometimes derogatorily refer to Filipinas as LBFMs (little brown f___ing machines). In Hong Kong, a Filipina once referred to the local Chinese women as LYCRs (little yellow cash registers). While this is obviously a stereotype, it does tell you something about the perceived differences between Hong Kong Chinese and Filipino women.

Chinese women, they say, marry Chinese men. In theory, they aren’t as attracted to Western men as the women in other Asian countries like Thailand and the Philippines. Expatriate men seem to take to the Chinese women in Taiwan and Singapore better than the women in Hong Kong. Unknown to most Americans, the Chinese in each of these countries are very different. Each comes from a different part of China with a different culture and a different outlook on life.

Hong Kong Chinese are mostly Cantonese. They have a reputation for being shrewd, intelligent, hard-working, frugal, efficient and family oriented. They can also seem cold and calculating, and friendly only when it is in their best financial interests. Educated Hong Kong people speak English well. The Taiwan Chinese are from Mandarin. They have a reputation for being more friendly than the Cantonese. They don’t speak English as well as the people in Hong Kong.

If you want a Chinese lover, Singapore is a good place to look. They are more westernized. Everyone speaks excellent English. The women are out-going and a lot of fun to be around. Singapore has even better food than Hong Kong, a unique combination of Chinese, Thai, Malaysian and Indian cuisines.

English women claim that their countrymen develop beer bellies at an early age. They don’t exercise except for a stroll down to the corner pub. They don’t treat their wives properly. English women have the impression that American men are trim and fit, enjoy jogging and a more active lifestyle, and are less inclined to take a domineering attitude toward their mates.

There are services in England that specialize in helping both English men and women find American spouses. Some English women I have met have a "colonial" attitude toward non-Western people and cultures. I am sure the men have similar attitudes. In general, though, English people are friendly and have a liking for Americans. It’s no coincidence that the United States and England have been such close friends and allies through several wars.

Several international introduction services help men make matches with women from Mexico, and Central and South America. Some recommendations can be found in Chapter Seven. If you live in the American southwest, and find Mexican women attractive, look for a woman in a border area near your home. You can pay her visits on weekends.

Russia has become a major source of wives for men from the United States and Europe. Russian women are, if possible, even more domestically oriented than women from the Philippines. They are well-educated and enjoy classical music and the ballet more than rock and roll. While they do not often speak English well, there are several hundred million more of them than there are Filipinas. Russian women have a tradition of using introduction services to seek foreign men, probably because good Russian men are in such short supply. It was reported in the Washington Post that 23% of Russian mothers would prefer their daughters marry a foreigner. Alcoholism is notoriously rampant among Russian men, accompanied by an abusive attitude towards women. Naturally, the women seek men from other cultures to form a happy marriage.

Russian woman are more serious about family responsibilities than many other women. This is due in part to economic disciplines forced on them by deprivation in Russia.

In a bar in Thailand I spoke with a gentleman from Australia on the virtues of the local women. He liked Thai women (who doesn’t?), but said his favorites were the women in Botswana, a small nation within the borders of South Africa. He promptly produced a photo of his girlfriend there, and a love letter she had written him. He swore these women knew how to please men better than any women in the world.

For those with a sense of adventure as a necessary element of their search for love, why not look in the South Pacific? Many men have a romantic infatuation with the beautiful island women seen in Mutiny on the Bounty, near Tahiti, or South Pacific, filmed near Bali. There are thousands of islands, hundreds of cultures. The possibilities are limitless.

Tahitian women have the most famous reputation in the South Pacific, but Tahiti has become touristy and expensive. One travel book suggests that you can still have romantic encounters with local women, but it helps to be "rich and handsome."

The Cook Islands is a chain of South Pacific islands hundreds of miles off the coast of Australia. The women there look somewhat like Filipinas and are lovely. Dance is a finely developed art. The seductive nature of this craft is derived from the use of dance in fertility rites. One traveler reported that the women there have a charming sign-language for the flowers in their hair. One on the left means they are married and unavailable. One on the right means they are not married and available. If they wear two flowers, it means they are married and available. No flowers means they are not married and not available.

Actually, I’m not sure if I remember which combination of flowers goes with which availability. When you visit the Cook Islands you can find out for yourself.