International Dating Discussion forum

If you haven’t traveled overseas before, it can seem like landing on a different planet. If you’re traveling to look for a prospective lover, you’re in for a great time. Don’t hesitate to travel alone, especially to Asia or Latin America. You won’t be alone for long.

You may have already made some contacts before you travel. You might even be engaged to a woman through letters and phone calls and are traveling to marry her. Your trip may turn into a pre-nuptial honeymoon (if your fiancée isn’t too devout). You may stay with your fiancée or girlfriend’s family, or in a hotel near her home. She and her family will make sure you’re not lonely. On the contrary, they will make every effort to make you feel like a king.

Expect unusual reactions when people find out you are planning a trip to a third-world country. A surprising number of people will guess you are travelling to find a wife. A man I know used to read a book on Thailand while on the bus to work. He got some surprising comments. One woman on the bus said her male friend was looking for an Asian wife because he was fed up with American women. A man warned him that communist guerillas were planning an imminent invasion (that was early 1984, and we’re still waiting). Another woman groaned in disbelief when she found out he was going to Asia, of all places, for a vacation!

Before visiting remote parts of any third-world country check out the security situation. In the Philippines, for example, Muslim rebels in Central Mindanao cause occasional trouble. Even though a peace agreement has been signed with the government some have continued their occupation of kidnapping for ransom. Most of their victims are Japanese businessmen whose corporations are willing to cough up major money to get them back. Few countries present any significant risk, especially if you stay within major cities or tourist areas. A few I’d check out before visiting include Colombia, Southern Mexico, Central Mindanao in the Philippines and Cambodia.

The U.S. State Department publishes travel warnings and health risks for all countries. These are available in passport offices or write to:

US Department of State

2201 C Street, NW

Washington, DC 20520

Tel: 202-647-4000 (24-hour service)

http://travel.state.gov/travel_warnings.html

This book is designed to supplement, not compete with, information available in commercial travel guides. There are many excellent travel guides available, and I will make some recommendations at the end of this chapter. I recommend you read up on the country you plan to visit before you leave. If nothing else, a good travel book tells you what to expect. That and good planning can save you time and money and enhance the enjoyment of your trip. Do your research before you leave rather than waste precious time while overseas. The more you know about the culture and country you visit, the more you’ll enjoy your trip.

Traveling alone can sound intimidating to rookie travelers, even if you have a special lady waiting for you. Some people — undoubtedly those who don’t enjoy life to the fullest — may tell you that it’s unsafe, that all kinds of potential mishaps await people who travel overseas alone. They’ll talk about terrorists, communists, wars, thieves, malaria, even AIDS — anything to keep you from going abroad and having the time of your life. They haven’t got the guts to go themselves and are jealous.

Several people may ask you why you traveled alone overseas, without any friends or contacts to meet when you arrive. It comes down to two fears: Weren’t you lonely? Weren’t you afraid? You need not be either. It is safer walking down the streets of Bangkok than in most American cities. As for loneliness, it is ironic that people should be concerned about that, of all things. One reason single men travel to exotic places is to get rid of loneliness. Most men, once they know what they’re doing, will feel less lonely during their travels than they ever have.

Should you decide to travel to Asia without previous contacts, you will have no problem finding female companionship shortly after arriving. The easiest way is to just head for the bars. (For a detailed discussion of this method, see Chapter 13, "Wanderlust.") Don’t overlook the opportunity to meet some male friends during your travels. It’s much easier to make interesting friends overseas than it is in the U.S. There are many English-speaking men living and traveling in Asia. The best places to meet them are in the bars and restaurants frequented by international travelers and businessmen.

Women in Asia and Latin America are open, friendly and interested in getting to know you. Chances are they will take you to meet their families, who will be extremely hospitable. Filipinos and Thais especially are famous for being open and social. They will be eager to help make your trip to their country as enjoyable as possible.

You will find many places to meet ladies: thriving open markets, universities, stores and discos. Just hanging out in one of these places gives you an excellent chance of meeting a friendly young lady eager to practice her English on a native speaker. This is especially true of university areas, where you are most likely to meet a young, English-speaking woman for companionship. Most women in the tourist service business also speak good English.

Great places to meet Thai and Filipino ladies are the discos. Whether you can stand disco or not, the women you will meet will more than overcome to the music. Discos are extremely popular in Bangkok, Manila and Hong Kong. Some are expensive, especially the nicer ones. There are some inexpensive discos in Manila.

Most of Bangkok’s major hotel discos are lavish, even by Western standards. Thai girls love to dance and the disco is a rare treat. Most Thai ladies are far too poor to afford a disco. An evening of entertainment might cost them a month’s pay. If you do decide to try discos, proceed with caution. Any girl you meet in a disco is somewhat westernized and might even be a high-class hooker. Don’t necessarily let that keep you back, though. Discos are great places to meet women in Asia.

You don’t have to be dashing, handsome, or a good dancer to make an impression. The mere fact that you’re Western will arouse interest in you. Westerners frequent many urban discos, so you may not be able to just sit and wait for a girl to approach you. Walk up to her and ask her to dance, gesturing toward the dance floor in case her English isn’t good. Afterward ask her to join you at your table, gesturing toward it.

Another place to meet pretty, English-speaking girls is in department stores. Due to demand for sales clerk jobs, employers hire only the prettiest, most charming and helpful girls. Most are young. I tried to find a shirt in one of these stores and was having trouble locating an extra large size. No less than four sales girl scurried around the store trying to find shirts in my size. When I finally found a shirt I liked and tried it on, one of the girls looked at me and smiled. "Very sexy," she said, and they all giggled.

Major cities sometimes have services that specialize in helping foreigners meet local women. Some are fronts for prostitution. These are easy to spot because they call themselves escort services and have photos of sexy women. Others are legitimate and take various forms. Many advertise in the tourist guides found in the lobby of any hotel. The English yellow pages also lists them under dating or introduction services. For a fee, you can go into their offices and watch short videos of the women. If you are interested in someone, they will help you make the connection.

In Manila, things will be even easier for you than in Bangkok (if that’s possible). Filipinos like to party even more than Thais. You will find even more musical entertainment.

To give you an idea what entertainment is like in Manila, one American man asked his first date there to take him to a restaurant that served authentic Filipino food. She took him to Shakey’s pizza parlor, to his disbelief. When the band came back from their break they started to play at a volume that prevented conversation except for screams directly into the ear. It was "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. So much for Filipino culture that evening. When he questioned the cultural authenticity of the entertainment and cuisine, she responded with: "Well, I thought you wanted to experience Filipino culture."

If this is your first trip abroad, the country easiest to adjust to is the Philippines, although you may be shocked by the poverty. It is Christian, a former United States colony, and almost everyone speaks excellent English. That’s three things you can’t say about any other Asian country.

Thailand is becoming more westernized all the time, but is more exotic than the Philippines. In Chiang Mai and Bangkok the employees of businesses that deal with foreigners speak enough English to get by. The same is true of most major Asian cities visited by foreigners. English-speakers are lucky (as I was so often reminded by German travelers), because English is the international language.

Metropolitan Korea, Malaysia and Indonesia also have some English-speakers. Once you’re out of Seoul, there are few English-speakers, except for at U.S. Army facilities. In parts of Malaysia English is spoken, partly because of the British influence there. English is not a problem in Singapore, Hong Kong or, to a lesser extent, Taipei.

For many, Bangkok is the most interesting capital in Asia, though some would disagree. In Bangkok, once you have gone through customs, the first question you are asked will be, "Is this your first time in Thailand?" Once you say yes, someone will inevitably try to sell you something. If you say no, they will still try to sell you something. Perhaps they use different sales strategies on the newcomers, thinking they will be an easier sale. Thais will try to sell you hundreds of things during your stay in their country. They are outgoing, friendly and are not afraid to approach you.

Thais sell everything from girls to tours. Outside the airport your driver will probably try to sell you something. It’s best not to accept offers of products or services from strangers. You can always get a better deal on your own once you know your way around.

In Thailand, especially Bangkok, anyone could be a sales rep. Taxi drivers display glossy color brochures with photos of beautiful young women, wearing only soap suds, to advertise sexual massage services. The drivers make extra money this way. They will also try to take you to a "special" show which is technically illegal. I don’t recommend these shows. Some of them are rip-offs and they are highly anatomical. Unless you enjoy watching what women can do with ping pong balls and darts without using their hands, avoid these shows. The local police are on the take with these events, so there’s no legal worry. Even if the show is busted by the Bangkok vice squad (almost a contradiction in terms) tourists are never apprehended. I suppose they are considered the victims.

Thai sales people are persistent. Whether you are in a store or on the street, the hard sell is common. Thais are a friendly and polite people, though, and their persistence can actually be amusing if you know how to deal with it. They appreciate a sense of humor. There is a Thai word that, if you never learn another word of Thai, is useful in dealing with persistent Thais. A thousand no’s won’t work as well as one my-ow-cop. Once you realize it’s value, you’ll use this phrase hundreds of times during your trip to Thailand. It is unusual for a Thai to continue to pester you after you’ve uttered this magic phrase. A few hardened veterans might, but most will not.

The capitals of Thailand, the Philippines and Indonesia are places of striking contrasts. Many visitors are turned off by the frantic traffic, stifling humidity and smog, the smell, and occasional piles of refuse on the street. They fail to venture from their hotel room for further exploration. They are missing some of the most fascinating cities in the world. Have the patience to explore the beauty and complexities of the city.

Most Asian cities have no real center. You don’t take a bus downtown to go shopping. You select an area based on the type of product you want and how much you want to pay. The best deals are found in the open markets where you buy your goods from stalls and haggle over the price. The worst prices are in western-style department stores where the prices are marked. There are also medium priced indoor shopping areas, but the prices are subject to negotiation. Bangkok is arguably the best place in Asia to purchase tailored clothing such as dresses and suits. Hong Kong is good but more expensive. Manila is cheaper still, but without the reputation for quality.

Beer drinkers save a lot of money by going to the Philippines. A bottle of San Miguel, far better than the beer in Thailand, is also far less expensive: 25 cents in a store or US$2.00 in a nice, air conditioned bar with entertainment. In Thailand a bottle starts around US$1.50 and can go as high as US$5.00 in a disco, but a typical bar might charge about US$3.00.

The reason for the high price in Thailand is a steep government tax on beer. They consider Mekong whiskey a "working man’s drink," but beer is a luxury for the rich. A bottle of Mekong whiskey is less than a dollar in the stores — enough to put two or three "working men" in the gutter. It is usually served with a bucket of ice and a bottle of soda.

In the Philippines the local liquor is rum, but they also produce bourbon-like whiskeys and gin. Philippine rum has a pleasant dry flavor. I think it is more palatable than Jamaican with soda and lemon. If you prefer rum and cokes, you can’t taste the rum anyway. If mixed, fruity drinks suit your taste try the rum in the Philippines.

Get used to being the center of attraction any time you leave the major metropolitan centers and venture into the provinces. You may be the only non-Asian in town, and in Indonesia or China it may be the first time they have met a Caucasian. In China, Westerners are followed around the village by groups of children. With a beard or hairy chest, you are even more of a novelty.

When visiting provinces in the Philippines, you won’t be followed around by a small gang. You will still get plenty of attention, especially from the extended family of your girlfriend or fiancée. Expect major celebrations if you marry her in the provinces. For drinking men, the beverages will be San Miguel beer and Johnny Walker scotch. Be sure to try the local whiskeys like White Horse. The prices are cheaper than bottled water, and it tastes a little like American blended whiskeys such as Kessler.

Filipinos love to gamble, but I suggest you avoid gambling with the locals. If you must, bet on cockfighting rather than cards. Your chances are better.

Wedding feasts feature lechon, or whole roasted pig, with numerous other Filipino dishes. There is at least three times as much food as everyone can eat, a Filipino tradition. Nothing is wasted, though, as everyone will take home leftovers.

As the star attraction, you will soon get used to being stared at by friends and family members. Being treated like a king has its disconcerting aspects, but you will come to admire and like Filipinos. Expect to cause a fuss any time you so much as wiggle a thumb.

As a "rich American" (Filipinos consider all Americans rich), your lover may receive indirect requests for loans or gifts. She will deal with them as she sees fit, but no one will ask you directly. Its up to you how generous you want to be. Consult with her on this topic.

Your lady, whether you met her through correspondence or after arrival in her country, will be eager to show you around. She will prove a far better guide than any commercial travel agency. She will take you to out-of-the-way places, not just those set up for international tourists. Add this to any potential romance, and you can’t help but have an experience you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

The cuisine, customs, and historical traditions of each country can be an educational adventure. The ladies you accompany will surely do their best to guide you to the most interesting places in their town. They will exhibit pride in their homeland and be eager to show you around. Major cities such as Jakarta in Indonesia, Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, Vladivostok in Russia and Seoul in Korea all resound with contrasts. Rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, squalor and splendor — all of these great cities thrive with energy, vitality and variety.

Your lady may not live in a city. She may live in an isolated village in rural and impoverished northeastern Thailand or study nursing on a tropical island in the Philippines. Your trip becomes adventurous as an old bus winds through the lovely highlands of Malaysia to the home town of your companion. In a fishing village on the southern tip of Kamchatka your Russian fiancée holds you tight as you gaze over the Pacific Ocean on a moonlit evening. She may just provide you with the most memorable experience of your life. Love can blossom in the most exotic of locales, or even in the most destitute slums of Manila.

Both Thailand and the Philippines are ideally suited to an idyllic and extended vacation, basking on far-away tropical islands in either the Gulf of Thailand or the Visayas of the Central Philippines. These islands rival those of the South Pacific. You can have an island of your own. There are thousands of tiny islands in both countries. For a few dollars a day you can hire a boat and have an island and a woman all to yourself for as long as you want — not a bad way to start a romance.

There are many travel books around that you can use. The standard, tourist-type books, like Fodor’s, are OK for major hotels and regular tourist traps. There are two guides I especially recommend for traveling anywhere overseas. I consider one indispensable. The Lonely Planet series is practical, complete and updated fairly often. In the provinces of any country, these books are a must. The Lonely Planet guide for each country tells where to eat, stay and what (and sometimes even who) to see in practically every town. They have a guide for virtually every country in the world. If you plan to visit more than one country, and only want to bring one book, Lonely Planet also has regional guides for areas including Southeast Asia and Central America.

The second set of guides I recommend are for inspirational reasons. They’re the kind of thing you read before you leave but don’t need to take on your trip. These are the Insight Guides. They are lavishly illustrated, well-written and interesting. They have good sections on local nightlife. The photos can help you decide which places to visit. They publish guides for most major countries. As guidebooks they are impractical. They don’t have nearly as much practical information such as specific hotels and restaurants as the Lonely Planet guides.

Love by Mail concentrates on advertising in newspapers, magazines and singles publications to meet American men and women. It also has three excellent and useful chapters on meeting people overseas, as well as an extensive "Directory of International Correspondence Publications and Foreign Introduction Services." How useful the directory is now, given the book’s 1992 copyright date, is questionable. The chapters on correspondence and advertising are helpful and detailed with numerous examples. This book is recommended for men looking overseas for a serious relationship.

Travel and the Single Male by Bruce Cassirer. Copyright 1992. 228 pages. US$14.95. TSM Publishing, Suite #122, 3600 South Harbor Blvd., Channel Island, CA 93035.

A travel guide for horny single guys on a worldwide prowl, Bruce Cassirer’s guidebook goes beyond the usual places to eat, drink and sleep. He tells you where to find someone to sleep with. Overseas hotspots covered in the book include Puerto Vallarta, Costa Rica, the Dominican Republic, Brazil and Thailand. Most of the book is the regular hotel-restaurant stuff. He also discusses bars, street scenes, brothels and massage parlors. This guide is useful for men who want to travel overseas and get laid right away. He also has chapters on U.S. cities including New Orleans, Palm Springs and Orlando. Orlando? Maybe there’s something about Disney World I missed.